Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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