i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
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I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
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He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Why are you drunk at the library?