She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.