Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.

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(973): Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer. http://tfl.nu/dm7j

Replies (21) Good night (539) Bad night (2902)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.

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(609): No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear. http://tfl.nu/h1fn

Replies (10) Good night (2754) Bad night (694)
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(630): View more from Illinois

He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.

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(630): He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over. http://tfl.nu/mky5

Replies (13) Good night (960) Bad night (5815)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.

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(918): no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh. http://tfl.nu/6iss

Replies (10) Good night (912) Bad night (3778)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.

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(505): Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later. http://tfl.nu/q053

Replies (25) Good night (1604) Bad night (3173)
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(908): View more from New Jersey

Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate

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(908): Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate http://tfl.nu/t9ao

Replies (3) Good night (2271) Bad night (820)
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(785): View more from Kansas

I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.

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(785): I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now. http://tfl.nu/2p17

Replies (7) Good night (1843) Bad night (883)
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(509): View more from Washington

Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom

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(509): Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom http://tfl.nu/fom9

Replies (18) Good night (3275) Bad night (843)
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(714): View more from California

Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.

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(714): Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas. http://tfl.nu/rvqb

Replies (5) Good night (566) Bad night (1279)
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(270): View more from Kentucky

I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...

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(270): I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night... http://tfl.nu/q37f

Replies (6) Good night (427) Bad night (1001)
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(628): View more from California

Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.

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(628): Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes. http://tfl.nu/sfav

Replies (4) Good night (914) Bad night (257)
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(785): View more from Kansas

That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.

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(785): That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA. http://tfl.nu/53zt

Replies (4) Good night (1264) Bad night (276)
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(410): View more from Maryland

We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.

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(410): We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again. http://tfl.nu/b5s0

Replies (1) Good night (714) Bad night (164)
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(330): View more from Ohio

I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.

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(330): I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night. http://tfl.nu/a30e

Replies (0) Good night (697) Bad night (174)
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(410): View more from Maryland

SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING

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(410): SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING http://tfl.nu/00e7

Replies (2) Good night (240) Bad night (775)

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