Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
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Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
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There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops