ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again