I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.