i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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