I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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