Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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