Can i not drive my cunt home
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
