Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
