it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
