omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
