Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
