My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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