Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
