I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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