I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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