you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
