dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
