She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize