I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
