In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
