There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
