so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
