dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
