Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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