is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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