Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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