we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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