The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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