i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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