So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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