just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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