He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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