she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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