So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Everything about him screamed your future.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
