Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
