you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
