So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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