we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
