I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
