I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Oh god it's open bar.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
