My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
