Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
