Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
