I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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