She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize