8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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