Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
