Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
