I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
