I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
