The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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