Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
