Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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