I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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