It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
