I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
