he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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