the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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