New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
