It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
