I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
