also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
