I accidentally burped into my bong.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I fill condoms, not promises.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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