i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
