Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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