I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Damn victory sex feels great
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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