Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
