She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
