He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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