I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
